A baby . . .

Just to clarify before I begin, NO, I am NOT pregnant. BUT, I would like to be :)

People probably think I'm crazy because I have 3 kids in the order of 1, 2 and a 3 year old. I admit, not the best idea. I wouldn't change it though. I've been told I needed more time between each child and I didn't spend enough time with this one and blah blah blah. To clarify again, I, Heilala Garcia, am the mother of these children. I've spent nearly every moment of their lives with them. I'm pretty sure I know my kids. Yes, I admit I'm a bit mean sometimes, but who, honestly, am I close with that I am NOT mean to?? Besides my dad. But that's different territory. Anyways, my point is, I think they're fine. For three reasons.

Reason 1: they were born when Joshua and I needed them. Joshua and I haven't had a smooth sailin relationship. It's been a bumpy road. Our children, all unique and special in their own way, came unexpectedly (sort of) but at the perfect time. Gabriel was Joshua's lifeline. We weren't exactly making the best choices but once Joshua saw a little boy that he would influence in a good way or a bad way, he wanted to be the best dad EVER. It was like his first time seeing the sun after years of darkness. Joshua needed him and so did his family. Gissela came when I just wanted to give up on the world. She was my breath of fresh air. I felt rejuvenated and whole again like I could actually get up again after nearly walking dead for almost 2 years. I needed her, and so did my family. Melena'a was just the sunshine we needed after our stormy weather. She made us ALL HAPPY. She completed us and oh I really don't know what I would have done without her at that time and even til now. So all of our children were given to us maybe not at the most convenient time, but at the time God knew would be best for us.

Reason 2: having them close together means they'll all leave my house around the same time. I'm a rip the band aid off as fast as you can kinda person. I don't do the whole slowly little by little. If one leaves they better all leave soon because I don't think I could handle it after a few 5 years.

Reason 3: they were unplanned. I didn't exactly ask for them, they just kinda happened. And with Sela we were trying NOT to have another one. It's not like I was just like Oh baby's! I wanted to wait, but God had other plans for me and because of reason 1, I am forever grateful.

With all that said, I want another baby. I know people keep saying, Oh wait til you have a steady job or Oh wait til you're done with school or Oh wait til this or that and blah blah blah blah blah. I asked Josh if we could wait a year. It has been a year and I have taken my IUD out. I'm not saying we're trying, cuz we aren't. If it happens it happens and I'm ok with that. Why wait when I have the Lord on my side? My life has changed since being sealed with my family. In the eternal perspective, why would I NOT keep having kids? I've felt such a strong obligation to have kids because pregnancy and having kids is a piece of cake. It's not easy but compared to the amazingly strong women I've met who have gone through miscarriages, C-section, complications, morning sickness, bed rest, ect, I'm just fat when I'm pregnant. And it takes me like a push to get them out. So I almost feel like if I could, I could have 10 kids easily. Will we??? idk. Maybe, maybe not. Hard to say. I just want to go with what the Lord wants me to do and right now I feel like if we wanted, we could have a baby. And I want a baby.