2013

2013 has been so good to us.

But a little back story before I go into 2013, May 2012 we finally got into TVA while Joshua was attending BYU-H. We were planning on being there about a year until he finished his Bachelors. Surprise, surprise, Joshua decided in August that he was going to change his major and graduate in December 2012, 6 months sooner than we were expecting. So what was next?

Looking at the various Master's programs, he tried to find everything possible for us to stay in Hawaii. There really was no option. But nothing felt right. Nothing fit. Then when he finally considered moving back to Utah... *ding*ding*ding*! We have a winner! So in October 2012, we decided we would be moving back to Utah after Joshua graduated in December.

We seriously had no idea what we were doing. There was no school, no job, no big opportunity waiting for us that helped us made our decision. We just knew we needed to come back to Utah. 2 days after graduation we were on our way to California to spend some family time at Disneyland. And 2 days later, we were on our way home. When we finally got to Utah, that's when we really had to ask ourselves: WHAT NOW?

We moved on the simple impression that Utah was where we needed to be. Things just started falling into place and blessing after blessing after blessing came our way. Within the next month Joshua found a job. We got to be here to spend time with Joshua's uncle, his dads only living sibling, before he passed away in February. Don't get me wrong, we had our trials. I got into a crazy accident in March. That was a struggle for me, and was when the snow came. (I crossed the freeway, hit the barrier and rolled because of ice/snow.) We joined ROC and got to go with them to California. I started school and will be finishing this summer. We moved into a beautiful home with amazing neighbors and ward. We've had our needs taken care of and half the year I have felt like I seriously had no idea what was going on.

In Elder Bednar's Patterns of Light video series of receiving revelation and light, he talks about just having a little bit of the path illuminated. More wouldn't be illuminated until we walked a few steps into the cloudiness. That is the lesson we have learned in 2012. We felt something was right and we talked about it as a couple and made our decision. We had no idea what it was going to lead to, what we were getting ourselves into, but we felt it was right and we did it. Each time we have, we have been blessed in ways I never thought possible.

But we were tried. Things were done not without great faith, stress and a series of "are you sure this is what you feel, that this is right?????" We struggled a lot. But we struggled together and we kept our faith. We did our best in keeping the commandments and did all that we could before we turned to the Lord. I struggle with asking. Not just the Lord, but my parents, friends, even my husband. I've learned that it's ok to ask. I haven't been selfish in asking for things that I need, but I have been prideful in not asking when I know I should. The Lord is so generous and giving and we seriously just need to ask.

I am so excited for 2014. Our trials have changed over the past 5 years of our marriage. Changed in a good way. And they are continuing to change as our weaknesses become strengths and as we find our talents and gifts and work on them. I know that 2014 will not be without trials. But as I've learned, "for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith." (Ether 12:6) I pray that we will continue to walk forward as the Lord continues to illuminate our path. Happy New Year!

ROC fireside

This Sunday, December 15th, is ROC's (Remembering Our Culture) annual Christmas fireside. It will be held at 4525 North Canyon Road Provo, Utah at 7pm. We will have a guest guitarist and light refreshments afterwards.

I can't tell you how much I love and hate ROC firesides. I love them because the music is so beautiful and the Spirit is just so strong! I hate them because the music is so beautiful and the Spirit is so strong that it makes me cry. Every single time. I've heard these songs how many times?? Yet each time I hear them again, my testimony grows as I feel the Spirit whisper to my heart "It is true".

One song gets to me every single time we sing it. I have to focus during practice so I don't end up crying. I don't have any attachments to the song, but I remember the first time hearing it. My heart was racing and I just felt so overwhelmed that I began to cry uncontrollably. The words pierced my soul as if they were written just for ME. Lluvia Campbell has written most (I think all but 1 or 2) of the songs we will be singing. She wrote most of these before I even joined the group. Which was only in March of this year. Yet this song was written as a message to me from my Father in heaven. I want to share a little bit about it with you.

We call it the D&C song, I don't even know what the title is. As soon as I hear D&C I just moan and groan because I know I'm going to get a flashback of my life's journey. The words of the chorus go:

"Savior you remembered me. You did not just let me be. And I can see what you want me to be. And I can see that you have, Lord you have a plan for me."

At least those are the words we sing as a choir, I'm not sure what the soloist words are. These words hit me hard every single time we sing them. He never forgets you. He knows you and wants you to reach your full potential. It's hard to think about that when times get rough. When things get hard or life's storms start to pick up and toss you around like a ball on the ping-pong table, you feel lost as if your life is out of control, or out of YOUR control. But I think that's the problem. Who IS in control? It's definitely not me. My life doesn't ever go my way. And when it does, it's never for the reasons I want it to be.  But when He is in control, you begin to see that there's more to life than trials and tests. It's a preparation ground for bigger and better things. He won't just "let you be". Life is motion, the ultimate motionlessness is death! Why would He let you stay where you are? Are you perfected? Are you at your full potential? No, we will never reach that full potential here. It is all completed in the next stages. So why on this earth, in this state, would He "let you be"? He knows your potential, your plan, and He has the best way to get there.

I've always had a hard time with this concept. I couldn't understand why I had to go through certain things. Why me? Why these situations? Why can't I just be a rich brat with everything I want? Or why can't I just be a skinny mom who bakes and does crafts all day? Why wasn't I blessed with an amazing voice, athletic ability or even just an ear for music? Why did I have to grow up struggling with my family? Why did I have to have hardships in my marriage? Why did I have to struggle with my self-worth/image the way that I did? Why, why WHY????

Those aren't my gifts. Those aren't the trials I needed to face. Those aren't what I needed to reach my potential. I had the struggles I had because they helped ME get stronger. I have the gifts that I have because they help me get through my trials and help those I meet along the way. I used to think my sister had it easy. She is practically perfect in every way. She can sing, dance, cook, draw, write, play musical instruments by ear, she listens to my parents, is completely honest and is the friendliest, most sincere and loving, kindest, big hearted person I know. It is ANNOYING. It's like, can you get any more perfect???? But as I have gotten closer to her and learned of the trials she faces and struggles with, my heart is humbled. I could never, NEVER deal with what she deals with.

We are all different, yet we are all the same. We have our strengths, weaknesses, trials, blessings, ect. But we have ONE Savior. We have ONE Master. We have ONE God. We have ONE life. And we are ONE people. He knows you, even by name. He knows your plan. He knows your potential. But do you know HIM enough to let Him guide you? I sure didn't. And I still don't. Every time I hear this song it is a reminder to me that it is Him that I need. And I'm the only one that can ask Him for help.

I wish I could write the whole song for you. I wish I could sing it for you. I wish you could feel what I feel when I hear it. But I do know this. If you come to the fireside this Sunday, you will feel what HE wants you to feel. This is the message I hear, I feel, I know is for me. Your message may be different. That is the beauty of the Spirit. It reaches our SOUL in a way only you would understand. Come join us as we celebrate the birth of our Savior. Come listen with your ears and your hearts as we praise Him and sing of His matchless love. I hope to see you there :)

-Lala